


Get FuXT

by Butch_DeLorias_Waifu



Category: Blue Stahli (Musician), Celldweller (Band), One Piece, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-06 10:32:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butch_DeLorias_Waifu/pseuds/Butch_DeLorias_Waifu
Summary: You shall dye





	1. Chapter 1

Klayton was hungry, but there was no food, because all the food tripped into a black hole on a field trip to the Pleiades. Enraged by his hunger, Klayton flew above Detroit, shooting lasers at peons from his hair because Bret's thongs aren't edible or recognized as hats by the Great Hat Society.

Klayton's destruction spree was interrupted by Bret, who came down from the sky to dropkick Klayton's face off, which flew straight to hell where it met Satan, who was a helicopter.

Furious, Klayton morphed his right fist into a katana then clawed at Bret, but Bret flew into Jupiter and consumed its eyestorm to grow stronger. Bret smacked Klayton with a sonic boom from his nipples which made every spider explode, and all the trees were flipped upside down while the birds became diggers and the worms became dragons.

Bret roared as he punched a pentagram-shaped gash into space itself. From this portal, he withdrew a parallel universe clone of his wife, who was a rail gun. It was a dimension populated by sentient firearms who fight by launching animals at each other.

"YOU ARE PRIYAPPROVED...TO DIE" she roared as she shot Klayton with the might of her cross-dimensional voltage. But Klayton ate the lightning, turning him into a robot which punched the moon out of the sky, fucked its crater face, then smashed it into fossilized catshit which he assailed Bret and his waifu with, flinging his gunshot bride, formerly a shotgun senorita, back to the dimension she came from and covering him in stinky welts.

Bret was so pissed, he dumped mummified litterboxes from pharoah cats all over Klayton, then flew to Germany and leveled it with caffeinated buttfire just because he could.

From the ruins of Germany rose a single survivor, a slayer of gods. Dan Voicians vowed to avenge his home as he took flight upon a stray bolt of lightning then broke Bret's face off by smacking it with a soundwave compressed into the form of a tangible air guitar. Bret's face ran away without him, found Klayton's face, then mated with it in the pastures of Valhalla, while the Dullahans looked on and smiled, for this year's crop of heads was severely blighted by a passing wave of hip-hop.


	2. planet booty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the pirates are coming

It was the year 57,58976.495,79.9.9,9.,1.00. Klayton was minding his own business driving his magic scooter to his studio, but he couldn't get there because a snake made of wires materialized from the road beneath him, took him into space, then dumped him on Jupiter.

On Jupiter, Klayton had an epiphany. He realized he hated birds, because they were discount dinosaurs, so he scratched his scalp furiously, unleashing red and black dandruff which wasn't really dandruff but rather an egg plague. Klayton drop dusted the Earth with his scalp virus, making every single external egg explode at once, causing a mass extinction.

Klayton breathed fire as he reached into the future, snatched the placentas from his newborn children, then forged a zanmato made of evolutionary superiority from them. He slaughtered Mars because it was stupid, then crushed the moon into a powder and snorted it.

"Dude, you need to chill." It was Scardonia.

Scardonia offered Klayton a Snickers bar, but Klayton wasn't having it so he chopped Scardonia's face off then duct taped it to a celestial horse's ass.

The planetary assault shocked planet Earth, who tried to suck Klayton into the Mariana Trench which was actually her giant stone vagina, but Klayton was resourceful. He stole Mega Man's thong then clogged the massive rock pussy with Rock's panties.

Earth exploded, but it didn't even matter. Klayton had already evacuated its inhabitants to a parallel dimension, in which he was a god.

In his own little world, Klayton found a virgin named Miranda. He impregnated her with magical twins, whom he named Vray and Bastian. Klayton then ripped out the rib he fractured while filming a music video, then jizzed on it. The rib transformed into a son with no mother. Klayton named his avatar Rezin.

"Rezin, my dear son, I have an important mission for you." Klayton briefed Rezin on the chaos which was mounting on a pirate planet which, in most universes, remains so eternally underdeveloped, due to being perpetually, internally hindered by its unending piracy issue, it should have no name. But in this world, a world where technology comes too easily, the inhabitants of this world became space pirates, and named their home planet Booty.

The Bootyans, in theory, should have the strongest economy of all the space-faring planets in this universe, given their planet's unique crop of genome-altering fruits the likes of which races from other planets would sell entire planets for. But the Bootyans were too narcissistic and too ingrained in their pirate heritage to do any of that business weakshit; instead they became a parasitic scourge upon the cosmos, plundering the universe and beyond.

Rezin brandished the zanmato made from the afterbirth of his siblings in another time. He knew this lonely blade would not be enough. He used it to chop through time once more, but in this world; from this rift, he stole Vray and Bastian's afterbirth, forging from it a second zanmato.

Rezin felt ready to challenge the space pirates.

But there was one he could not defeat.

The space pirates eventually gave themselves over to a single unified leader. It was Roronoa Zoro, who had three swords!

"Son, I can give you what you need." Klayton created a third time rift. From this rift, he summoned his own placenta from when he was born, and created the third, and ultimate, zanmato. Being forged from the placenta of god himself, this zanmato had virtually limitless power.

Rezin clutched the ultimate zanmato in his mouth. He challenged Zoro to a duel. Zoro chopped the fleshy sword right in half, decapitated Rezin, then ate his corpse.


	3. it me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it her

The space pirates were the least of Klayton's worries. An uprising was brewing on the planet Mushroom.

The Mushroom Queen felt threatened by the arrival of a rival deity. The world of Mushroom is dominated by a single eusocial race, all born from what their global religion claims is a magic land in the sky. None of these people know their true origins.

In actuality, the "humans", koopas, and other races who are allegedly born in a magical land and delivered by storks to their "parents", are morphs of a single, eusocial, destructive alien species. They are all born from a single queen, who resembles a gargantuan maggot bearing a huge tortoise shell covered with craters, a face which resembles a cross between a human and a decompressed blobfish, though with a sucker-mouth like a plecostomus, and she possesses about 20 "tentacles" which are actually birthing apparatuses, through which she gives birth to children endlessly.

The storks, who dispatch the Queen's offspring to worker "parents" to raise them, are a mutualistic species. The storks have adapted a symbiotic relationship with the Mushroom Queen; their digestive systems have degraded to the point where the only food they can consume is a honeydew secreted in craters on the Mushroom Queen's gargantuan shell. if the storks deliver the Queen's offspring, she feeds them with honeydew.

The queen, conversely, consumes a great deal of food. Mushroom is covered with enormous pipe systems; intake pipe systems funnel titanic quantities of liquid food and water to the Queen, while exhaust pipes dispose of her wastes.

As the Queen is a cross-dimensional, invasive creature, her presence threatens the native dinosaur race, the Yoshis.

Klayton took pity upon the hapless dinosaurs. He jotted down the coordinates of planet Mushroom. He leaked it to the space pirates.

The space pirates destroyed everything, even the Yoshis.

Klayton gave up on his own little world, because being a god was too hard. He returned to reality.


End file.
